If Our Founding Fathers Were Frat Boys

jefferson-fratboyOur man Tommy J probably used Rosseau’s sparknotes to find this Latin phrase and hoped nobody would call him out of it. He might also have said, “I prefer the tumult of liberty to the quiet of servitude,” but we’ll never know because the bros couldn’t agree on which google translate entry was better.  Either way this was the precursor to “we ain’t here for a long time we’re here for a good time.”


T-Paine coming at us with the 1770s version of “who do you know here?” As every sensible person knows, you can’t just show up 2 hours late with nothing to offer and expect to have the best party of your life. T-Paine checks you at the door and lets you know you’re gonna have to put in work to have the fun stuff. Nobody gets by without a cover charge or offering to be the clean-up crew.



Pat Henry, the dude with two first names, is every guy who has ever been forced to leave a party before he wants to. Sure he seems annoying right now, but his refusal to compromise or find an alternative is going to lead you to the best night (or country) of your life.  And let’s be honest, the whole death thing may just be a scare tactic, but who’s going to be bold enough to call him on his bluff and risk him actually being serious?



Honest Abe Link is the Pauly D of this shore house yelling “aw yeah wake up yeah” to make darn sure everybody WOKE. In modern times he would be the dude who makes everybody talk it out when New York wanted to order pizza and Georgia was all about Chinese food. Except like in this case, one of them wanted to own people–which was totally not cool with everyone else. Either way his advice still stands: we are our weakest divided and our strongest united.



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